Friday, July 31, 2009

A woman's dream to be a mother

Well here goes another lengthy
process to fulfill my dream and be a mother and to watch my husband be the Father he so desperately wants to be, Adoption. I set up a meeting with the lady from foster care but she did a no-show(just my luck, all odds against me) we rescheduled and she gave me the number of a woman that is in charge of licensing..but, she has been pretty hard to get a hold of. Why is it so easy for some people and so hard for others, why is it the people who want and deserve children can't? WHY?!! It's something I'll never understand. I was born with a congenital birth defect called Unicornuate Uterus, it's where the mullarian ducts nev er fused or one completely dissolved and left me with half my reproductive organs. It feels shameful and humiliating, I know I shouldn't feel that way..I know that, but..I do and it's not something I can help, I also feel like I've burdened my marraige with this, I can't give my husband the family we want and while he says he's not disapointed in me..I am.
If the lord is g
ood and all goes well we can have a little baby or toddler to adopt. We will foster babies from newborn to 3 yrs of age and if they don't get placed back with the family we will be able to adopt. I can't even begin to imagine what It would feel like to hold a baby and know that he/she is MY baby and I'm their Mom and Scott is their Dad. I want this so bad I can taste it. It hurts, all I want is for us to be complete.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Secrets of a Farmer

The weather has been consistantly nice for at least a week now so I decided to go outside and assess the garden and nurse her back to tip top harvesting shape, I turned on the sprinkler and squished my toes in the mud, to me there is no better feeling then the earth dancing between my toes, the same earth that is keeping my garden alive, to me this is pure magic. I weeded and moved my cucumbers to a better area o
f the garden hoping they'll do a bit better(keep your fingers crossed for me) I fertilized and babied my garden bed and pray that the rain hasn't perminatly stunted the gowth. I pulled out the old man's plow and feel honored everytime I put that old piece of hand held machinary to proper use. The old man that owned the house before us passed away and his family left all his old toold and gardening secrets in the shed behind our house. He seems to have been well known in our town and everytime we mention what house we live in someone will say "you live in the house with the great big vegatable garden, that old man had the magic touch" It's the secrets of that old farmer that help me motivate to keep his memory and his hard work alive, I never knew him or met him but boy wouldn't it have been great to hear his stories of the land we now occupy and let him know were so grateful for his tool shed secrets.

My garden walk way that Mother planted with my husband when she visited is doing great(I call it the Wilkerson walk way, my mother's maiden name) The purple Celmitis is beautiful and the seedums are hardy and full, I look forward to her next visit. She's never stingy about her green thumb tips and secrets, she enjoys sharing her wealth of knowlege and you can tell it on her face and hear it in her voice when she let's you in on something you didn't know.

I turned up the soil for the chickens and they went crazy over it, pecking and scratching, feasting on all the new bugs that were hiding in the clay like soil they have in their run. I notice they don't like heat so they tend to hide out in their coop until the evening comes, but they didn't seem to care much today, they were kids on a playground rolling in that dirt. I enjoy every moment with those chicken ladies. I also figured out who the boss is in the pecking order, we named her Boss Lady, she walks a bit taller than the rest of the girls and puffs up her chest as she tells them what to do, the obvious leader of the clique.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Living Simply

Well the day is beautiful, not a cloud in the sky and I'm escaping into the cyber world instead of mowing, sewing aprons, baking fresh bread , cleaning house and doing laundry. I need some down time, My birthday week was full of excitment. My husband's family came for their yearly visit and his sister and her family decided to join in on the vacation this year. It was relaxing but a bit hectic at the same time, it was a half hour drive to the camp and back everyday right after my husband got out of work..but it was well worth it. But I can't help but feel a bit tired after all the fun. It will be nice for Scott to have a day off tomorrow so we can relax and lally gag around the yard. My father in law installed our new toilet(that we needed desperatly) The old one was so ugly, old and worn from years and years of old butts and poor cleaning habits. It amazes me how exciting it was for both of us to get a new toilet in our first home, It's true what they say about the simple things in life that bring a person pleasure. My wonderful father in law also built my chicken coop for my "chicken ladies" It was bitter sweet to see them off into the big backyard world, I was elated to have my dining room back and to not have my house smell like a big piece of chicken poop but at the same time I miss those little peeps and the humor of watching my pekingese turn into a peeping tom and watch their every move, he took every chance he got to catch a glimpse of them in the brooder, it drove him crazy not to be formally introduced to the ladies and he would scratch and make grunting noises at them as if he was begging that they come out and play. I am a bonafied chicken fanatic, even before I got my chicken ladies I collected porcelain chickens and roosters, I called the Main bird fanciers club the other day and talked to a wonderful woman Linda Blackman about showing my ladies at the fairs and Maine poultry shows, She was just a peach, she offered me her email address and told me if i had any

questions about chickens to not hesitate to email her and she graciously welcomed me to the great world of poultry. I'm ready to go in head first with these chickens, learn everything I need to know and to make the most of it. If you can't tell I'm working hard on my farmgirl status and must say so myself that I'm doing quite well and to add to my farmgirl status My mother in law brought my husband and I her old pressure cooker she used on the farm that my husband grew up on, To him this is gold to be able to can with the cooker his mother used, oh the stories that pressure cooker could tell. It came from her farm to mine and it was an honor to accept such a great piece of my husband's family history. She showed me how to use it and I can't wait to get some crops to can, I made my first farmgirl apron as well and I'm hooked on this lifestyle all i need now is a sewing machine, I guess we know what everyone will be getting for the holidays...